Note: This was supposed to be posted yesterday, but due to some mishaps with Mila and my laptop, this did not get done on time. So, pretend it is November 17th.
Last night we had our first real dinner out, just the 3 of us, at one of our favorite restaurants, PF Chang’s (or Chang-to-the-Chang-Changs as we call it in the Taylor house). Sitting at the table, marveling at how they make fried rice taste so ridiculously good, it hit me. The gift card we were eating this delish meal on tonight was given to us in a sympathy card for our miscarriage that happened one year ago, this week. It seems so distant now. But looking back, man, it was a tough week, month, well I’m not sure how long. But as time passed, that wound began to heal. I still mourn the loss of our child, but the pain has caused my eyes to be opened to so much more. Through it, I am able to more clearly see who God is. Looking back on the past year, I am so thankful for God’s plan in giving us that child, AND in taking that child away.
Switch gears to another anniversary.
This morning as I lie in bed wide-eyed at 4:55a.m., I realized that today, is the four month anniversary of Mila’s Gotcha Day. For anyone not in the adoption realm, this is the day Dylan and I got our Baby Girl. Four months! I can’t believe it. Though it seems like she has been here forever, it’s amazing to think of how far this little one has come in just a few short months of life with us.
Thinking back on what happened one year ago, had that not happened, things with Mila would have been much different. I would not have been able to go to Congo, because I would have been too pregnant to fly. I would have missed the opportunity to see where my child was born, to meet the family that took care of her during her last months there, and to see the orphanage where she lived. I would have missed some precious time when it was just me and her, no distractions, none of the craziness that life here can bring. Just us, learning to love each other. I know our relationship would not have grown so quickly if I could not have been there for that.
If I had an infant to care for right now, I could not be giving her near the amount of one-on-one attention I have been able to give her these first few months. In November 2010, when great anticipation and excitement turned to deep sadness, I could not understand why after years of trying to conceive, this baby would be taken from us so soon. But God used it to remind us that He is enough, better than anything this world has to offer. He was, and is, and always will be. And, how cool is this, at almost the exact same time that I should have been delivering, I met my baby girl for the first time. This was all part of the story of our lives. God knew. This was what was best for all of us. And I, well, I’m just thankful.
Here’s a look back,
Day 1 (July 17th, 2011)…
Nerves, Smiles, and Learning to be Mommy, Daddy, and daughter
Scary tantrums are through, Still in DR Congo, Spiders, Daddy’s back, We visit Mila’s orphanage
Home (praise Jesus!), Family introductions, and Megabeds
Funny faces, Fashion, and Lots of laughter
Settling in and loving life, even when I feel like these four walls are closing in on me. I am so thankful that we all get to be in them together.