I have entered an alternate universe.

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This post is long due to my lack of time to write anything down for a while, and really random because I am REALLY tired, but I wanted to get something up. Alternate universe is the best way I can explain it. It almost seems like time is standing still, but flying by at the same time. I have no responsibility except Mila. It is really, really weird for me. God’s perfect timing for our family to start has come. It is truly amazing, and He is so good. Today came with it’s share of ups and downs though. I’d give it a 6 out of 10 with the highs definitely outweighing the lows.

Mila went into meltdown mode multiple times today and once in the middle of night last night. These tantrums include the following:  #1 shrill screams, over and over and over, #2 not wanting to be held or to not be held, #3 possible face slaps (always a bonus), and #4 a state of complete inconsolability. We are making progress, but man it is tough. Mila’s 2 personalities were at war all day . The majority of the time she is a ball full of joy, and fun, and happiness, and then issues from Mila’s past rear their ugly head and I have never seen tantrums like it before in my life. Insane!!! One problem is that she has food issues due to the lack of having enough of it before. Now there is plenty of food, which is wonderful, but it also causes quite a shock to her bowels, and some pretty big issues with getting her away from the table. Her little belly looks and feels like it is going to pop after she eats. Still working through some ways to resolve this one as well. It is going to take time and some serious patience on our part.

Trying to figure out how to parent a toddler in her almost Terrible Two’s with abandonment issues will wear a girl out. I think we are doing okay at it though. She’s so much fun. I can’t really explain how funny she is and the video uploading would take hours (yes hours, for like a 10 second video to load) so we will not be able to share that until Dylan gets home. I can’t wait to show you this girl though. I don’t think a kid has ever made me laugh quite like this one. HilArious!! She is so random. Singing, dancing, giggling, mimicking everything I do, repeating pretty much anything you say to her. She is going to be all over some playing dress up and loves playing kitchen. I am “ma-ma” and she likes to say it. She calls Dylan “dad-doo” and/or “papa” right now. She’s so smart. I caught her acting like was locking up the closet in our room with my keys. This is what I have to do whenever we leave. She also does this sort of Stevie Wonder impression where she sways her head back and forth, you know what I’m talking about. It absolutely kills me. I got that on video for later. She’s all that and a bag of chips. Then out of nowhere, if she does not get her way, dun, dun, dun… major meltdown screaming fits that rival any tantrum I’ve seen before.

It’s going to be really tough to see Dylan go. He has helped me deal with the tough times so well. I’ve had a few breakdowns of my own and am just praying for strength when I am doing this on my own for the next few weeks. She’s brought me to tears many times because I just can’t make it better. I know she is scared, misses her foster momma, can’t understand our language and then on top of that, she’s a baby and they just are hard to handle sometimes. I will need lots of prayer for figuring out how to discipline her without hurting the trust we are building, and for just emotionally dealing with her meltdowns. My other struggle is that the only time I have to communicate with the outside world is when she is asleep and that is not very often. When she’s awake she is in my lap or on my hip. This is a really good thing, believe me I am not complaining, but makes it very hard to do much else. When she does go to sleep, I am so exhausted from the constant holding, playing, chasing, comforting, feeding, and wiping hiney all day, that I can hardly keep my eyes open. I know, some might say, welcome to motherhood, but going into it for the first time with an adopted almost 2 yr old is cRAzY!! It is also so good, such a blessing. I never thought she would be this wonderful, and I would not trade it for the world. She is ours and we are hers and it all makes so much sense. We are really having an amazing time starting our family.

Oh, and here’s a little tidbit of fun info…Dylan’s flight was supposed to leave on Tuesday, and yes, he is still here. We both have been so caught up in this whole parenting thing that he missed his flight! It was truly a blessing, it was just supposed to be this way. It was kind of an expensive mistake, but I have never been so glad to have to spend a few hundred bucks. He will be here until Saturday now. I know this was God’s plan the entire time and Hallelujah! I am so happy to have him around for a bit longer, and he is sooooooooo happy to get to stay with us, even for just a few more days. :O)

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5 responses »

  1. Lovely letter. Things will get better every day. No worries. You will be home in no time. Keep sending messages. I am loving them. I have a skype account just in case you haven’t heard.
    I love you all so much and am looking forward to helping with the tantrums.

  2. It is a CRAZY time for all of you. God made you and chose you to be Mila’s mom…no one else. So, you are PERFECT for her! God’s plan is coming true before your eyes. How great is He!

    You can do this….and we will be praying for your strength, endurance and patience. He will sustain you, and His mercies will be new every morning! Sleep fixes a lot of things!

    Love you guys and can’t wait to see you come home!

  3. Carrie you are an amazing person and now MOM. Time will bring everything to where it should be. I will pray for all of the ups and downs. I love you

  4. Hang in there, sweetheart ….. you are doing so good … I am in Arizona with Dennis right now …. Dennis, Teresa, and all the kids send you their love … Marlin and Sue are here, too, and send their love … Dennis retired from the Army a couple of hours ago and will stay in Arizona, though Callie most likely will be coming to Univ of Alabama on schlarship to school (or Vanderbilt, if not), next year … everyone loves seeing the pictures, and I know your struggle will be less each day …. had a thought ….. knowing her past, she is tempted to eat everything on the table not knowing when her next meal may appear …. if you can, put out less and steadily increase it as she begins to get her faculties under control … or maybe lots of little meals each day, instead of 2 or 3 big ones … you may have thought of these already …. Lee Ann (still in B’ham) checks the PC every couple of hours to see if you have posted something … we are so happy for you and love you very much … the next universe you enter will be a much better one, I’m sure ,,,,,

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